Staying Friends With Your Ex - Is It A Good Idea?

You definitely want to do what's best for you right now. Everything has been turned upside down, and you are barely treading water. Everything that you built your hopes and dreams on has fallen apart and the partner you thought you could be certain of is now your ex. It's tempting to reach out and extend the hand of friendship during this tumultuous time, but doing so could only lead to further turmoil - and you could be guaranteeing more pain overall than simply agreeing to say goodbye and start the process of moving on.

The idea of friendship can be even more appealing when you began as friends initially before you started dating. You may have had a lot more time invested in this relationship than simply what was encompassed by your dating relationship. It may seem easy to fall back into your previous roles, rather than to accept the reality of letting go completely - especially with so much time and effort already put in to your ex and your relationship, regardless of what form it takes.

How long do you feel that you can remain objective when your ex starts coming to you for advice? Do you think that you can honestly give them advice on dating, or put on a brave face forever when they confess that they have a crush on someone new? Eventually, your own emotions are going to play a pivotal role in the way you interact with them, and things are going to be forced to turn - even if you fight the instinct off temporarily. In fact, the longer you try to keep those instincts at bay, the worse they can be when they eventually reach the surface.

All friendships come with their own set of problems, and remaining friends with an ex gives those potential problems an entirely new twist. Aside from the normal challenges associated with typical friendships when two distinct personalities collide, breakups offer unique challenges that will eventually have to be faced - no matter how long you try to set them aside and ignore them.

A friendship is simply seen as a means to an end. Either your ex is looking for a way to get back together with you, or you're looking for a way to get back together with them. Regardless of which side of the fence you're on, someone is going to eventually get hurt. Either it becomes clear that reconciliation is never going to happen, or you realize that you're simply maintaining a fa?ade for nothing. The reality remains that nothing good is going to come out of this friendship scenario, and it's going to lead to more pain on one (or both) sides.

What do You Really Want?

It's likely that you're scrambling for something tangible to hold onto right now. That means that although you really want a lasting, meaningful relationship you're tempted to accept a friendship so you don't have to watch your ex really walk away for what could be the last time.

You need to take a minute and really buckle down and be honest with yourself right now. Putting it off indefinitely is not going to do you any favors - and neither is faking a friendship with someone you actually want a relationship with. You need to come to terms with yourself, and that means facing some hard reality and determining a proper course of action which does NOT include being your ex's friend.

Did You Miss Your Chance?

Unless you've already been friends with your ex for years and your former relationship seems like it happened in a different lifetime, you're probably safe in planning a detour. The future is hardly set in stone. Although you may have agreed to a friendship initially, you are allowed to change your mind as long as you're willing to be honest and upfront about it.

Hiding things from your ex now isn't going to get you anywhere. If you want things to change, it requires some big, bold moves on your part. You probably understand that they're not going to come to a fork in the road and decide to see things differently. If you want to change their minds, you've got to make it happen and the only way you can do that realistically is to simply be honest and open with them about how you're really feeling. This puts your ex in a position that requires that they make a choice. Chances are good that they're not open to the idea of losing you. If they were okay with watching you walk away at all, they wouldn't have even pretended to remain friends with you. You may be surprised to realize that they were holding onto your friendship for similar reasons - and that means the scales may end up tipping in your favor, and you may get the opportunity you've been waiting for to win back their heart for good.

What To Do Next

Staying friends with your ex is not the greatest plan in the world if you want to win your ex back. There are other things that you can do to speed up the process though. First thing that you MUST do is to avoid these break up mistakes. If you are guilty of any of these then you have to stop now or you risk pushing your ex away even further. Contact with your ex after the split can make or break your chances of reuniting. Learn exactly how you go about contacting them to create desire and affection.

Source: http://www.streetarticles.com/friendship/staying-friends-with-your-ex-is-it-a-good-idea

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